This journal is a window into my internal narrative, or rather just the parts I want to share. I rarely talk about my day-to-day life, or talk about what I've been doing because I don't think it would interest anybody. However, if those normally mundane things get so overwhelming that I can't spare the mental energy for the things I think would be more entertaining, I don't have anything to post. If anything, my life has been overwhelming as of late.
I've been having a bad semester at the University of Alaska, Fairbanks this year. I'm a good student, but I'm quite exhausted. Also, I feel like I'm being pulled apart by obligations. (Dare I relate to queenofstripes?) A lot of my friends are waving really attractive opportunities and things under my nose, like table-top roleplay dice-based games, MUCKs, and other assorted projects, but I've done very little of any of it because of the demands of my class-work. As an art student, it is expected that I would have a pile of work to do, but it is almost more than I can wrap my head around this year. Last night, I completely burned myself out on an assignment for my Photo Editing / Pixel Painting class, which was of great personal disappointment. It is amazing how little quality time I've spent with my sketchbooks this year, too. I want to explore things for myself, sometimes, you stupid classes! Not all of my energy has to go to you! *Shaking of fists*
All of this is forcing me to question myself, you know, more than I usually do. Can I do this? Can I ever be an illustrator? Am I really creative? Could I ever be skilled? Am I wasting my time, or can I actually do this? The questions burn the inside of my skull and keep me up at night, and I've been worrying myself sick again lately. Am I going to be late to my stupid time-consuming printmaking class because I'm typing this LJ post? Hopefully, the answers to these are yes, yes, yes, yes, no/yes, and yes if I don't stop typing and start moving right now.