░░▒▒▒▓▓▓▒▒▒░░ (masstreble) wrote,
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masstreble

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The many fantastic escapes of Björk.

"Did you hear about Björk? She was cornered by a reporters at a European award show, so she produced a crayon and drew a submarine hatch on the ground. It suddenly turned solid, she opened it up, put on some goggles, and jumped in! She showed up in a washtub display in a New York hardware store about an hour after."

"Oh, that's nothing. Why, just last year, a similar thing happened at an American award show, and Björk simply whistled. A magical ghost cloud—"
"—Ghost cloud? You mean a cloud of ghosts?"
"No, the ghost of many clouds."
"Makes sense. Continue!'
"Of course it, uh, does. So she jumps on it and they fly off together."

"Not as amazing as what happened back when Björk was with the Sugarcubes. Their plane was being chased by The Technocolor Fish, you know, that multiversal space-craft owned by a tribe a Surrealist snake-people—"
"—Oh, did it involve Shakespeare? Or quotes wherefrom?"
"Obviously. Well, on Björk's lead, they all jumped, and the resulting down-ward force gave the bunny-man pilot enough maneuverability to escape into a cloud bank."

"Or in New Zealand!"
"Yes, we all know about the Neo-Mime incident. They trapped her in an invisible box, but it turned into an invisible hamster ball for some reason."
"Yes! Then she escaped by rolling/running/invisible-hamster-balling down the river Whangauni."
"Because Neo-Mimes can't swim."
"Right-right."

"Did you read about how she escaped the Roman army during their cross-time invasion of Delgerium?"
"That's not a country."
"Not yet."
"Oh! Interesting will-be news."
"Yes. Well. Björk was flanked by them and a giant pop-art paper clip sculpture, so she called upon her ancient power—"
"—Ye gods!"
"No, rubber balls."
"Come again?"
"Millions of little rubber balls fell from the sky."
"The Romans freaked out and couldn't march or fight in them?"
"The paper clip was unaffected, but it was a sculpture. You can just walk away from those."

[And so on and so forth.]
Tags: complete nonsense
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