░░▒▒▒▓▓▓▒▒▒░░ (masstreble) wrote,

It's the dodge any further drama game! *circus music*

Fun, fun, fun. It's been a non-stop funfest for the past few days here, let me tell-you-what. Firstly, I fiugred out what's going on with my desktop: it has a motherboard problem that makes it sensitive to cold. Yes, to cold: it can't operate if it is too cold. This wouldn't be an issue if not for our apartment-building-wide heating outages (it was running out of fuel, and our landlord was essentially impossible to contact until this morning). The loss of heating wouldn't be problem if it wasn't unseasonably cold for Fairbanks, Alaska. Brrrrr. It's amazing how just a small change in your life (like a fifteen-thirty degree indoor change) can totally re-structure the way you look at your life. Imagine a much less trivial change to your everyday life in the same way: add a couple of people. Imagine if those people were unpleasent. Suddenly, your entire life changes tone. Maybe we too easily forget how much impact we can have on others, even if it all does seem subjective.

Also, the past few weeks have taught something else to me: it is apparently possible to get me to be a total jerk -- not in the general puppy-kicking sense, but a lack-of-patience kind of thing, and only with one person. I feel terrible about it, but I can't seem to help it. After reflection on the subject, I think it has to do with social modeling and expectations, the roles we learn to play. The role I'm acting in this apartment, which I think is more like 'sibling' if anything, is being fustrated by the roles I think the other is acting on. There's no point in blaming him for it: it's just what he knows from growing up, but it fustrates the hell out of me. What I'm trying to say here is that I feel like I'm being passive-aggressively thrust into a kind of social configuration in which I feel like I'm being squeezed, and it's slowly infuriating me. I can only hope that the other party learns that I tend towards personal independence, and not to mistake this as disdain for him or anything in particular.

Lastly, Color and Design is chewin' up all my time. I wanted to whine about that, too, but it's a self-contained whine, and doesn't it doesn't make for a terribly substantive paragraph. :Huge cinematic orchestral swell followed by doves and cheers that make this post have a passibly satisfying conclusion:
Tags: rl, wahmbulance

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