Sat, Dec. 23rd, 2006, 05:33 pm
An open letter:
We've never talked, or we don't talk much, and I'm unsure as to how to start. Maybe it's fear, or just an excess of caution, but instead of directly approaching you, I wrote this up, and hoped it would get to you, or by pure social chance, happen to have some effect on you.
I've been watching you for a couple of years now, even though you haven't noticed me. You are an interesting person, and have always left me impressed with your abilities and thoughts. Even though I don't approach you, online or off, I still want to let you know that, leaving me conflicted. So, I wrote this up, and hoped it would get to you, or by some trick of fate, have some effect on you.
Maybe I'm afraid of displeasing you, or that our exchanges will somehow be unpleasent, or that I somehow will give you some mental disease, like how you're not supposed to touch baby birds, and you'll be touched by darkness. Maybe by thinking this way, by playing it safe, I'm denying other possiblities, for fear of the worst. Instead, I wrote this, even though you haven't noticed me, I wrote this up, and hoped you might find it, or that, somehow, its message would carry through to you.
Sun, Dec. 24th, 2006 07:21 am (UTC)
Well, if the channel is open, I can feel free to say things like, 'Damn, Mome, you're awesome', 'the newest Nacona came out really well' and 'how's the stupid holiday season treating you?'
Actually, you've hit on something. I type a lot a lot a lot a lot of comments, a portion of which actually gets posted. The rest, I scrap because I don't they're up to some sort of invisible standard, or some other trepidation-cream-filled chocolate-coated-crazy reason. Only half of the things I say make it past my patented 'Self-Defeating Pschic Social Filter: Now With Port And Bow Attatchments!' You'd imagine I'd learn to relax in light of past successes, and you'd imagine entirely wrong -- I'm an eversteady rock of social awkwardness. :]
When I wrote that post, I was thinking of the dozens of people I want to get to know, in real life and online, or rather just be 'let in', but I'm afraid of rejection and... disapointing them, I guess?
The reason I wrote it was because I figured it would strike a cord. If it didn't, I would have gone Red Queen mad. (Hey, my sense of style would improve, though. I need to work on that...)
Sun, Dec. 24th, 2006 03:44 pm (UTC)
To which I can reply "Nono, the awesome, it is you!" and "Damn, somebody actually reads it?! Wow!" and "It's stomping on my head with steel-toed Santa boots with every Ho, Ho, Ho!" :)
Hmm. You do that too, huh? (Writing comments then not posting them.) So many reasons why..
Well, once you actually contact people and say "Hi, I'd like to know you and chat more!" then.. you have to keep up that level of interactivity. And that's so tiring sometimes...
Definitely struck a chord. Possibly struck the whole circle. :)
Sun, Dec. 24th, 2006 10:26 pm (UTC)
Yeah, some weeks I'm hardly even here, spending all my time at some studio, job, reading for classes, and running other errands. I feel guilty about it and come back a few days later, and then I don't know what to say. It's that moment of being so caught up in a different world, where communicating isn't as important as what you're doing with your body. It's hard to re-emmerse after a few busy days, I'm no good at juggling the two. That's why people go on LJ hiatusi, I think. It's my