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Fri, Jul. 10th, 2009, 10:38 pm
BOSTONQUEST2009 BAD END

How to begin.

Okay, a lot of you only slightly know who I am, so I'll give you the long version.

Back in May, a long time friend and room mate and I packed up to leave for the East Coast, all the way from our home in Alaska. He was going to stay with the parents in South Carolina for the summer before going to Canada for his graduate studies. I was moving to Boston. I searched madly for an apartment until I believed I had one. On the day before we were scheduled to leave, my apartment cancelled on me. I decided I was already neck-deep at that point, and we left anyway: my friend's parents extended the offer of crash space for the summer, so I could try to get a place in Boston in South Carolina.

I sat here with a laptop for a few weeks, desperately doing the same thing I was doing up with Alaska. It wasn't working. I took a trip to Boston and spent a few days with the awesome otter3, and that was cool, and I believe it sort of helped matters, but it didn't end up producing any lodging.

After returning to South Carolina, and trying again for a little while, I ascertained the dimensions of the essential problem. I tried regardless until yesterday afternoon, when I knew that I just wasn't going to win this one and had to go to damage control.

That means that I'm going to be flying my dumb ass back to Alaska. Back to crash with my father until I can get back on my feet in Anchorage. (At least I won't be in Fairbanks at the end of this.)

LONG STORY SHORT: I've failed. I'm declaring bostonquest a failure. This has to be the single dumbest thing I've ever done in my life, and will doubtlessly remain so for years. Well, there's that and the whole art degree thing, but that's a dumb thing I'm kind of proud of, and it's a work in progress anyhow so there. :P

If anybody thinks less of me, or thinks, "damn what a loser", well, I'd agree. I'm a bit of a fuck-up.

But at least I tried, didn't I? That's more than what most ever do.

Besides...

There's always hope for bostonquest2011. Or bostonquest2012. Or maybe some other opportunity will come up, I don't know, and none it would ever compare to the awesomeness of marsquest2021 and I'd take that over bostonquest20XX anyday. Sure, I've screwed up another summer, I've wasted another three months of my life. That's okay. I'm sick of what-ifs and regret and worry. Life goes on.

One of the suckier things about this is that I'm going to be kind of lonely in Anchorage. KEVIN! We should hang out now and then!

Sat, Jul. 11th, 2009 03:21 am (UTC)
momentrabbit

I think there was a great deal that was noble and epic about your quest. Yes, it failed. But it was a good fail. You tried, you made it, it didn't work, and you return to the cold to lick your wounds and eventually try again. Everest wasn't conquered on the first ascent.

Good try. (salutes)

Sat, Jul. 11th, 2009 05:19 am (UTC)
masstreble

I know, but what gets me is that this isn't Everest. It's actually a rather mundane thing. People have been doing it since before they were people. I can't stop thinking, "why can't I?"

Sat, Jul. 11th, 2009 04:19 am (UTC)
buddha_stalin

Ever Tried. Ever failed. No Matter. Try Again. Fail Again. Fail Better.

Sat, Jul. 11th, 2009 05:20 am (UTC)
masstreble

Harder, faster, stronger, more.

Sat, Jul. 11th, 2009 04:32 am (UTC)
ghostangel

It was an adventure right? You experienced a lot of stuff you wouldn't normally! Even though you didn't end up in Boston after all, I wouldn't chalk it up as a failure, cause you got to do something new.

Sat, Jul. 11th, 2009 05:22 am (UTC)
masstreble

True, but it was also quite thoroughly frustrating and life-disrupting. And the rotten cherry on top is that I have to go back with my dad, even if it's only for a month or so. It's not going to be a happy month. It's going to be a sad month, or longer.

Sat, Jul. 11th, 2009 05:37 am (UTC)
krinndnz

Oy. Well. You did try, and you survived, so it can't be defined as time wasted.

Sat, Jul. 11th, 2009 05:55 am (UTC)
masstreble: At least we all got to do something together.

I just realized something truly awful. Think about what's happened in the last few months between you, Goji, and I.

Apparently, fate comes in bulk these days.

Sat, Jul. 11th, 2009 06:24 am (UTC)
krinndnz: Re: At least we all got to do something together.

We're all Americans - that too might have something to do with it.

Sat, Jul. 11th, 2009 06:47 am (UTC)
masstreble: Re: At least we all got to do something together.

Hm. Maybe. I hadn't thought of it in the kinds of terms that would bring me to thinking of it, really. Of the three of us, I have a degree, but it's, uh, pretty much just wallpaper. :[ And I think all of us are middle class in some way, me lower middle, same as Goji. That might have something to do with it, too.

Sun, Jul. 12th, 2009 05:37 pm (UTC)
bossgoji: Re: At least we all got to do something together.

Note to self: should not have bought the "Independent Living Crap-Out" three-pack at CostCo.

Sun, Jul. 12th, 2009 10:10 pm (UTC)
masstreble: Re: At least we all got to do something together.

It was such a bargain, though!

Sat, Jul. 11th, 2009 06:43 am (UTC)
relee

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I was hoping you'd find a place. Alas.

Sat, Jul. 11th, 2009 06:51 am (UTC)
masstreble

Yeah, I know. I'm going far away from everyone again, too. The closest person I know on that side of the country is Krinn, and I only know her in passing -- although I'm working on that. :3 The west coast, particularly Alaska, is damned lonely. Well, there is my Alaskan friends up in Fairbanks, but they're dispersing, too, and Alaska is huge: It feel like they're half a country away because they're in The Other City, you know? Whenever I'm socially isolated, I get... well, it's like the lights slowly go out.

Sat, Jul. 11th, 2009 08:03 am (UTC)
relee

Yeah, I know. My whole life is about social isolation. Most days I never see another human being, even though I live downtown in a city of 73,000. Actually seeing someone I like in person for a few hours is the highlight of my year. I only hope one day to change that. :/

Sat, Jul. 11th, 2009 03:29 pm (UTC)
masstreble

Yeah, one day it might be good for you to get out of Sarnia, when you have the ways and means to do so.

Sun, Jul. 12th, 2009 02:24 am (UTC)
salamandream

It's too bad we freaks can't all live in Alaska. Beautiful scenery, loads of space to accomodate us and we could liberal-up its politics.

Sun, Jul. 12th, 2009 02:53 pm (UTC)
masstreble

Yeah, that's an interesting idea, actually. Also, the apartments I'm looking at in Anchorage are very different than East Coast stuff: it's all new and large, and in Anchorage it's a lot lower rent. So, you know, whatever, I guess this has it's silver linings.

Sat, Jul. 11th, 2009 02:42 pm (UTC)
otter3

It just seems ridiculous that you couldn't find a place here.

On the other hand, the economy is so terrible out there that it's entirely possible that no one feels charitable right now.

Sat, Jul. 11th, 2009 03:27 pm (UTC)
masstreble

I'm thinking that may be the case. People want security now, more than they did a couple of years back. I guess I can't be to upset with them about that.

Tue, Jul. 14th, 2009 12:26 pm (UTC)
raiblu

Damn. Sorry I haven't been in contact but you know how I am about communication! Surprisingly opposite in style and preference to my friends.

Lots of sorries and sympathy and e-hugs, which I know won't help /too/ much. *hugs* :< Fortunately the quests up here give really bloated XP, so by the time you get back out again you'll be wiping the east coast zones.