The Gauntlets of Good Penmenship. Looks like it has the best PAR stat... whatever the crap that is.
The Pitchfork of Controllable Rage. Smells weird. It looks like it gives you a little swirly icon. WTF?
The unforunately named Bow of Jaimes Deen. It's actually a kind of thick shieldy stick thing that has these little crosses at each end? How do you use this?
The Dagger of Fundemental Awareness. Looks less like a dagger and more like a spike. Small and light. You wonder what this thing even does for hey that guy's shoes are untied and look a wedding ring he's married.
Nemkin's Third Guitar. Hold shit it's a weaponized guitar. Like, one side of it looks like a cat's jaw, all toothy and nasty. Gives you access to some basic Wanderer techs. Huh?
A Sword of-- you know what, it's a sword, I'm taking it. It's got to be the least crazy weapon here and why am I sinking through the ground damn it?
The Boots of Retribution. Those aren't weapons. Well, maybe. Big sleek metal things, all open in the front. Penalty to your SHF but adds substantially to your... god where's the manual for this stuff?
The Table of Undefinition. It's like... a thick chessboard kind of thing. It makes words spoken through it dangerous, like bullets and arrows. I guess it's a wonky kind of psychic projectile weapon or god whatever you're getting a headache.
There's a spear at the end. Everybody's overlooking it. Kinda small but it's got a nice grip. Alright, this is yours, let's get this stupid adventure over with. Hey. Hey, I said I choose this thing! Hey! HEY! What the hell is going... ohhhhhhh I see.