Really, really, really, really sorry for the journal-spamming, everyone, but this one is positive!
It looks like it's not so bad after all! I opened up the ol' chunker and (eventually) took out the power supply. I tested it, and I think the problem is isolated to the stupid, noisy, not-working power-supply box-thing. So, if I can replace it (working on that now), everything's peachy.
"I'm Sam's power supply, durr, I'm gonna stop working, hurr-hurr!"
